Welcome!
I'm Adam Kootman, AMFT
Sexual Health and Intimacy Specialist
At a Glance
Talks about sex plainly. No shame.
Has trained in taking a sexual history and in sexuality after an affair
Sees compulsive patterns as attempts to manage something underneath. Not as character flaws.
Autistic and ADHD (AuDHD). Has an eye for how neurodivergence can shape impulsivity, overwhelm, and intimacy.
Attachment-focused therapist for individuals and couples, trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy
Works with partners after betrayal, and couples rebuilding trust and intimacy
Focus on men's issues. Performance anxiety. Shame. Emotional expression.
Professional musician for more than a decade. Knows the gap between how things look and how they feel.
LGBTQ+ affirming. Neurodiversity-affirming.
You're Not Broken
You may feel stuck in a cycle you don't fully understand.
You've promised yourself you'd stop. Maybe you've promised someone else.
And you keep ending up in the same place. The urge. The behavior. The relief. Then the shame.
Shame is usually the loudest part. It tells you something is fundamentally wrong with you. It keeps everything secret.
And secrecy keeps the cycle going.
I'm not going to shame you. Compulsive sexual behavior almost always develops for a reason. That reason is usually something we can understand and work with.
What's Underneath the Behavior
Compulsive patterns are rarely just about sex.
They're often a way of managing something else. Anxiety. Loneliness. Stress. Boredom. Overwhelm. Feelings that never had anywhere else to go.
Attachment is often somewhere at the root of it. How you were loved, or weren't, still runs the show.
Men in particular are often taught to hide sensitivity, loneliness, fear, or uncertainty. Those feelings don't disappear. They come out somewhere. For some people, that somewhere becomes a compulsive pattern with sex or pornography.
We'll look at what the behavior is doing for you. What it soothes. What it helps you avoid. What need it's trying to meet.
Then you can start meeting that need in ways that don't cost you so much.
When ADHD or Autism Is Part of the Picture
I'm autistic and ADHD myself, diagnosed in my late 30s. That doesn't mean I know what your brain feels like. It does mean I take neurodivergence seriously. I won't treat it as a moral failing.
I know my brain. My job is to get curious about yours.
Here's what's worth knowing. ADHD brains tend to seek stimulation and novelty. They can struggle with the pause between an urge and an action.
For some autistic and ADHD adults, a compulsive pattern becomes a way to regulate overwhelm, sensory overload, or loneliness.
None of that is an excuse. But it's important information. It changes what actually helps.
Willpower alone rarely works for a brain that's wired this way. Understanding, structure, and support do.
When a Partner Has Been Hurt
Compulsive sexual behavior rarely affects just one person.
Maybe your partner has discovered something. Maybe you're the one who did the discovering. The hurt can be enormous. So can the confusion.
I've trained in sexuality after an affair, and my couples work is grounded in Emotionally Focused Therapy. When both people are ready, we work on understanding what happened. Rebuilding emotional safety. Finding out whether trust and intimacy can be restored.
Partners who have been hurt get their own space too. Their pain is not a side note.
Sex, Intimacy, and Pressure
Sometimes the struggle isn't compulsion at all. It's pressure.
Performance anxiety. Mismatched desire. Avoidance. Fear of disappointing a partner. These create their own cycle of pressure and disconnection.
I don't treat sex as an isolated problem. We look at what's happening underneath it. We bring the shame and pressure down. And we make it easier to talk openly about needs, desire, and boundaries.
The Gap Between How It Looks and How It Feels
Before becoming a therapist, I spent more than a decade as a professional musician and composer. Albums. Tours. Music for film, television, and advertising.
I know what it's like to perform on command, have your worth tied to your last output, and fall apart quietly while everyone assumes you're fine.
A lot of people who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior look capable and successful on the outside. Inside, they're quietly struggling.
I understand that gap. I won't judge what's on either side of it.
How I Work
My work is attachment-focused and emotionally focused, with a psychodynamic, trauma-informed foundation. I'm trained in Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT). When they help, I bring in practical tools like motivational interviewing and CBT strategies.
I'll be direct. I'll ask real questions. I'll help you understand your patterns instead of just white-knuckling them.
If you're part of a 12-step group or another recovery community, I'm glad to work alongside it.
And I'll be honest with you about fit. If a more specialized recovery program would serve you better, I'll say so.
Who I Work With
Adults struggling with compulsive pornography use or sexual behavior
Men carrying shame and secrecy around sex
Neurodivergent adults whose impulsivity or overwhelm feeds compulsive patterns
Partners who have discovered a betrayal and are trying to make sense of it
Couples rebuilding trust and intimacy after an affair or compulsive behavior
Individuals and couples dealing with performance anxiety and mismatched desire
LGBTQ+ adults exploring sexuality, identity, and intimacy without judgment
People who aren't sure whether what they're dealing with is "addiction" and want to find out
What to Expect in Session
Sessions are confidential, with the standard legal safety exceptions, which I'll explain. They're nonjudgmental. And they're direct.
We'll talk about what's actually happening. The specifics, not just the shame. And what you want to be different.
A lot of people are new to therapy. Some have never said any of this out loud. We'll go at a pace you can manage.
Movement, fidgeting, time to think, and written summaries are all fine.
You don't have to perform here.
Specialty Areas
Neurodiverse Couples | Compulsive Sexual Behavior | Pornography Use | Sexual Shame | ADHD and Impulsivity | Betrayal and Infidelity Recovery | Trust Repair | Sex, Intimacy, and Desire Differences | Performance Anxiety | Men's Issues | Attachment | Emotionally Focused Therapy | LGBTQ+ Affirming Care
Additional Information
Education & Training
Education
M.A. in Clinical Psychology, Marriage and Family Therapy emphasis, Pepperdine University (Academic Honors, 2026)
B.A. in Psychology, California State University, Northridge
A.A. in Psychology, Santa Monica College
Training
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) Essentials 1 & 2, International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)
Attachment and ADHD: How ADHD Traits Shape Attachment Bonds in Couples, LA-CAMFT
Taking a Sexual History: Unlocking a Client's Past, Los Angeles County Psychological Association
Sexuality After an Affair, Los Angeles County Psychological Association
Dream Analysis: Jungian Origins and Clinical Application, LA-CAMFT
Cultural Competency in Dementia Care
Clinical experience: Individual, couples, and group therapy with adults across private practice and community mental health settings, including an adult day program and counseling center supporting adults and older adults through anxiety, depression, grief, life transitions, and cognitive change. Mentor and employment specialist for neurodivergent young adults, supporting executive functioning, self-advocacy, emotional regulation, and confidence at work.
Approaches: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT and EFIT), attachment-based therapy, psychodynamic and person-centered therapy, and trauma-informed care, with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and motivational interviewing when they fit
Before therapy: More than a decade as a professional musician, songwriter, and composer, including four full-length albums, U.S. tours, and music for film, television, and advertising
Professional memberships: International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT); American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT); California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT); Los Angeles County Psychological Association (LACPA)
Affirming care: LGBTQ+ affirming and neurodiversity-affirming
License:
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Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT) #164632, California Board of Behavioral Sciences
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Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452
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Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers